Why I’m Single (But Not Alone)

by Brenna Holeman

San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua

This is a travel blog. It is not a blog about love or romance; I barely hint at my love life most of the time, of the dates I take or the men I meet.

But it exists all around us, love and sex and passion. It would be foolish to think that these things aren’t intrinsically linked to travel, and that life on the road isn’t full of opportunities for meeting someone, for moments of pure bliss. My life is on the road, therefore my love life exists on the road, too.

When we travel, we are young and free and open, we talk to new people every day, we find similarities in lives of people we could have never conceived we’d meet. There’s always an excuse to try something new, to get dressed up, to laugh out loud, to be confident. There is nothing holding us back. We can reinvent ourselves every day if we want to, and yet it’s almost as if, with a backpack on our backs and a map in our hands, we become more honest, more genuine, more of who we’ve always wanted to be. I could be a different person in each new place I visit, but I’m not – I’m more me than ever before.

And so, with our blood pumping with recklessness and authenticity and adventure, we are ripe for romance. Everyone is barefoot and fancy-free, everyone is long-haired and wild-eyed, everyone is courageous and beautiful and thirsty for knowledge. Of course we fall in love, be it forever or for a few days. Of course we are drawn to each other.

While I’ve made some of these travel romances last, some many months or even years, I’ve always known I was meant to be single during these years of vagabonding. Part of me has always understood that my heart belongs to travel and travel first; it is why none of my relationships have lasted in the past. I’m simply not ready to settle, not with one country or one job or one man. I am a wandering soul – and with that so too my feet do wander, and my eyes and my thoughts and my heart. I have chosen this life for myself. I have chosen to be on my own, to fend for myself, to find comfort and solace and joy in my independence. I have chosen this life for myself, and I love this life.

One day, I hope to be madly in love, to meet a man who loves me as much as he loves to travel. For now, however, my eyes are on the horizon and my path is steady and strong. I’m single, but never alone, and never, ever lonely, not in the true sense of the word.

Of course, I do have the whole world to keep me company.

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22 comments

Eleanor Anckaert July 13, 2012 - 4:54 pm

Such beautiful and true words. Thank you for sharing this! I love your life!

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Bailey@Lost&Found July 13, 2012 - 5:27 pm

just lovely.

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TiAn July 13, 2012 - 6:44 pm

Hi Brenna!

I loved, loved, loved this post. Your words are just wonderful and beautiful at describing your life of travel and wandering.

I just wanted to say, that I am married to the man of my dreams and we love each other madly. I wouldn’t trade my life with him for ANYTHING in the world. But I miss traveling and a part of me misses being single and not knowing what was going to happen to me next.

So I love your blog and I love living vicariously through you and seeing what you get to see. Your travels keep me company when I am sitting in my cubicle at work. Just wanted you to know. 🙂

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EM July 13, 2012 - 9:48 pm

I need to try to remember that I have the whole world to keep me company – what a lovely way to describe it!

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Valerie July 13, 2012 - 10:50 pm

What a great post!! I have always thought that I won’t settle down until I feel the way about someone that I do about travel. Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks that way!

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renee July 14, 2012 - 3:19 am

every time you write about relationships, love, and/or romance, its just so poetic. I love that. Keep writing girl, its beautiful prose.

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Andi of My Beautiful Adventures July 14, 2012 - 2:21 pm

I’ve dated wanderers…they’re really hard to be in relationships with. I’m so happy that I finally found someone who likes to travel, but it’s not his life. I’m not saying you can’t find someone who loves both, but that man would be a rare gem! This is why I traveled my butt off for a decade before I got married, because I never wanted to feel like I had compromised myself. Beautiful post!

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Mein July 14, 2012 - 3:22 pm

it’s so true!

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wheresmytoothbrush.com July 15, 2012 - 3:53 am

I don’t use words like ‘beautiful’ often. But, seriously. This post was a perfectly-timed read. This post reminded me of the things I needed to be reminded of. This post was beautiful.

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This Battered Suitcase July 16, 2012 - 4:44 am

Thank you so very much for all of your incredible comments. I am touched by all of your words and I am so happy that some of you could relate! Thank you for always inspiring me to write more, dear readers. xo

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Anonymous July 22, 2012 - 4:23 am

You free up that part of me that wants and needs to wander and see the world. I so envy your travels and all that goes with it.. one day I hope to step foot on the place you’ve been to and maybe see you on the road!
-stardust

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This Battered Suitcase July 23, 2012 - 2:17 am

Stardust – Thank you for your very kind words! If you’re ever in the same part of the world as me, let me know. 🙂

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Megan Jones August 2, 2012 - 4:48 pm

How beautifully and honestly said! I agree completely about being in a relationship with travelling when you are travelling. When I was travelling a few years back I thought that it would be completely unfair of me to be in a relationship with anyone other than myself. I knew that I was going to be selfish and do whatever I wanted and think however I thought necessary and I could never expect someone to to just come along for the ride!

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This Battered Suitcase August 3, 2012 - 2:16 am

Megan – Thank you so much for your comment! I agree with you, I don’t think it would be fair for me to be in a relationship right now; I am far too independent and selfish at the moment. Maybe one day, but not now.

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theperpetualtraveller November 5, 2012 - 1:48 am

Love this post. You perfectly sum up so many things about me and my own life that I’ve never been able to find the right words for.

I’d love to repost on my own blog ( http://roadtonowhere.me/ ) with a link to yours if that’s OK with you?

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This Battered Suitcase November 7, 2012 - 1:26 am

Perpetual Traveller – That’s fine! Please introduce the post as mine at the beginning and, of course, put a link to the original post and to my blog if you can! Thank you!

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theperpetualtraveller November 11, 2012 - 9:08 am

Of course! Thank you for letting me use it 🙂

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Erika from Chimerikal August 4, 2013 - 8:27 am

Okay, what I am beginning to love about your blog and you is how you emphasize choice and personal responsibility. You lay it out there and say, “Travel is my top priority. I choose it.” And other people seem to hide behind excuses or not understand that certain choices — at least for a moment — could be… affecting other parts of their lives. And it’s not to say that you can’t ever have both, but you also have come into a place where you realize it’s not what you want right now. I love the spirit of acceptance I’m getting from reading your blog — acceptance of yourself, of your life and your choices, of your needs. Loooooving it.

Also, you hit on something I just came across on another blog — True Colours — that I hadn’t read quite before… (or noticed) and that’s the whole “I feel the most like ME when I travel.” (She put it eloquently in her writings about how she feels in Paris.) And I think I love travel for all of the reasons you mentioned, too — I feel more alive, more active, more alert, more ready to grab life by the horns, more energized, more open… more ME. More everything. It isn’t effortless but it isn’t quite so hard. And I love that feeling and I missed it very much for a long time. Like I said in a former comment, right now I am very content where I am at right now, but I think I had a hard time returning “home” for that reason. 🙂

–Erika
http://www.chimerikal.com

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This Battered Suitcase August 6, 2013 - 7:44 pm

Thanks again for another amazing comment! I’ve always tried to remember that the life I lead is a choice, and one that I’ve been able to make because of the privileged life I’ve led. I’m glad that you are getting the sense of choice and acceptance from my blog, that’s what I aim for.

I definitely feel most like me when I travel – I know that I should aspire to feel that way all the time, but I can’t help but have an extra spark when I am on the road.

Thanks again Erika!

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The Single Honeymooner - This Battered Suitcase November 21, 2013 - 6:00 pm

[…] I do know is, for someone who has spent the majority of life as a single woman, and definitely as a single traveller, I’ve been to a hell of a lot of honeymoon destinations already. Some of these places […]

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How Do You Choose? Relationships vs. Travelling - This Battered Suitcase February 13, 2015 - 2:47 am

[…] written about love and travelling a lot on this blog, it seems. Years ago, I wrote about why I’m single; a couple of years ago, I wrote about why you shouldn’t worry about love when you travel. But […]

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Katie December 30, 2016 - 6:28 pm

I just found your blog, and I’m obsessed. I, too, am a bit of a nomad and I am living in London though this is not my home city. I’m always being questioned about being single, but I have never felt less alone. I choose this life, I love this life, and I’m happier than I ever was when I was in a long term relationship.

You’ll be hearing a lot from me. Thank you for this blog, and excuse me while I read every post on my train back from Scotland.

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